Christmas Update...

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas and (soon to be) Happy New Year to all. My first time spending Christmas in the Caribbean was and Is a pretty cool experience. First of all...listening to this song..."I'm dreaming of a White Christmas..." while you're hiding in the shade from the sun with a beer in ure hand....is odd...but its still cool. Seeing Christmas lights on homes...bright reds greens and all colors in between...just like back home, fills me with a sense of nostalgia...until you see the coconut trees next to the  christmas lights....you know something is different, but again...it still works.
I woke up on Christmas Morning to breakfast in bed by two Dutch Twins...I shit you not...what a way to ring in the Holiday spirit. (One of the Dutch girls is a roomates, and her twin sister was visiting for the week. No matter how you slice it....having (Attractive) Dutch twins make you breakfast is a great start to a great day lol. Myself and my roomates spent the day on the boardwalk...drinking, listening to Christmas music for the local bars and restaurants. Later that night we were invited to a mutual friend's barbeque. I didn't know the guy but I said why not...I know most of the people that are going so I know I will get a ride back home, from wherever I'm going. We go up mountains around, up and down side streets and hills...for my part, I am completely lost. We pull up in his driveway after what seemed like an eternity seeking potholes to run over, and as I make my way to his back yard, I start to squint, as there aren't any lights on since we have only just arrived. We light some candles, proceed to the most beautiful back yard I have seen on the island. His home is at the top of a mountain and his backyard is at the edge of a cliff....down the rock edge of this cliff, beyond his backyard...is the ocean...imagine that...walking up a driveway...past the house, heading into the backyard where there are seats, coconut trees, and in the middle there is a fire pit...walk a bit further from the futons and bean bag chairs surrounding the fire pit and coconut trees...is this cliff...a rocky mountainous cliff that you have to carefully navigate you way down...make your way down about 20 feet and walk about 15 meters ....and your feet are wet. Private property. Knowing me....of course I went down by the rocks at night. Huge boulders, such that I had to climb up on them just to take a seat on one. He doesnt live at the beach....imagine an alcove...semi-circular bay...you have rocks on both sides of you and the ocean is crashing in between...you feel so protected. And the stars....my goodness the stars...NEVER in my life have I seen the stars soo bright...Orion's belt was so close and bright...and the innumerable amount of stars that surrounded the constellations...soo very bright....clear...I saw stars in the sky that night I'd never seen with the naked eye before...beautiful black sky sprinkled with thousands of little white twinkling lights...soo many stars that you could make out the waves in the light as they came ashore....and there wasn't even a moon out this night....just the stars...bright, heavenly...casting a bluish glow and all objects below. When you see something like that, its hard to believe that all of this...life... creation..us...its hard to believe that its just one big accidentit fits together to seamlessly, everything for the use and purpose of everything else...but thats another topic for another blog....and trrust me I WILL go down that metaphysical road one day, but not tonight. When you drive past places and you see houses up in the mountains, and the house looks real nice, and you think to yourself, I wonder who lives up there with that very nice view....this guy does. We lit the fire pit, gathered around played music....cooked food over the pit and just drifted into sleepiness one by one. On a side note....I find it interesting that MAN has not evolved from our primitive state at all. Watching guys start a fire is the same now as it would have been thousands of years ago.We all stare in awe of the glowing, beautiful, spectacle that is a flame. The men went looking for food, the females prepared the food and utensils, the men grilled the food over the open flame...not much has changed...except we, in this day and age, are fortunate enough to know that this meal wont be our last, and there was no fear of predators during the night as there would have been for our ancestors...anyway...We spent the night...woke up the next day..day after Christmas....and did it all again until sundown...bought more food played soccer, swam ...really good fun.

Other than that....haven't done much except chill out work (try to) save money. New Years Eve is payday...thats going to be special right there lol

Work is work...no matter what job you have...eventually it just becomes work...Like everybody else...I can't wait for the hour when I get off work...and I rejoice every time I get a  day off. I tell people what I do and they say "Wow thats awesome, why would you worry about days off with a job like that?" THe truth is. I like what I do...I mean I'm a sailor ...I'm on the water all day..I'd rather do that then fax memos and stuff like that...but the idea of getting off work, walking a home, grabbing a beer on the way home, going to bed...wrapping up in a blanket and putting on a good movie, where I can just zone out and forget everything that happens outside my door, is soo alluring and comforting. Maybe I'll go for a swim to clear my head from those random and intrusive thoughts that plague my mind....But let me go to my apartment...make some hot tea, read a good book , play whatever music I wanted, not have to worry about sailing, or the weather, or getting wet,...let me stand on firm ground and not on this boat that goes up and down ...left and right, slipping and sliding....and I'll be a happy camper. I'll say this much...I like what I do and one day they will be awesome stories to tell people ...but for now...I've become grateful for the little things like a warm bed...a good book, and a cup of tea...and a firm ground to stand on....AND dry shoes lol..being on the water all day...waves coming over the bow...just as I'm standing there...soaking nothing else but by feet....completely drenched...ugh...hate that feeling...but its all so much fun.

Pictures coming soon...these words paint a very poor picture of my daily environment. Wait till I get a digital camera...you will see what I see...and it is good.
Til next time...good night and happy holidays

Same...

People are the same, everywhere. Never has a statement both comforted and disappointed me in equal amounts. Situations change, but human reactions remain predictable.

Day Off today....not doing anything..No parties, no drinking, no walking around town
Just me, my balcony (sans room mates), Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and my kindle. Peace.
Perhaps I'll go for a swim. It is slightly muggy today and a swim may be the cure.. I will (and am) lay down and soak up the sun. No co workers, television, sailing. Today, I get to know myself. My favorite activity...contemplative solitude.

People talk too much...everywhere...all the time. Socializing is fine...and necessary but words should be used sparingly and with an overall purpose...not to be spat out at rapid fire, hoping to hit a desirable target in the process...Silence and solitude is becoming more and more one of my favorite posessions in life. I always fight to remind myself not to take it to an extreme, lest I become a hermit.
But for now...until I find that equilibrium, I must admit that my quiet time, sitting by the ocean, getting my feet wet under the moonlight, or an early morning swim, is the most spiritual rituals I take part in.

I've always sat on the peripheries of social interactions for most of my life...it is only as of late that that seat has become comfortable and worn to perfection, like an old pair of reliable sneakers...or a favorite shirt.. Once in a while I will venture into the realm of social roles and group interaction...but I know where I feel most comfortable and know myself best...and that is alone, with my thoughts and a serene environment....music always helps.

Until next time...

Update...

Let's see....alot has happened since my last update.

Thanksgiving was cool...my English roomates and myself went to a local restaurant and had the biggest meal we could afford. IT wasn't turkey and stuffing, but I couldn't complain.A massive plate of peas and rice, barbeque chicken, a salad on the side, hot sauce, and a corona...Happy Thanksgiving indeed.

I've finally gotten an ATM card. Living in St. Maarten without an ATM card is too stressful. The banks close at 3pm daily...and they are NOT open on the weekends. Very inconvenient, indeed. But I got that sorted out...direct deposit is initiated...so I'm good. When I went to the bank the last time to sign for my ATM card...the teller went under the desk as if she were playing hide and go seek...moments later she came back up with this huge book with worn pages and a faded cover. She opens this monstrosity, while I stand there perplexed, and tells me to sign "here". It was then that I realized that it was a ledger. I knew thats what it was because it was the only thing it could be. I saw other people's names, account numbers etc. and as I'm signing my initials, I couldn't help think to myself, "This is not the most efficient system of record keeping.". I then proceeded to walk out with my new ATM card and...bought a corona (probably) lol.

Last week on one of my days off, my co-worker took me and my roommate (who is also a co-worker) to the very top of the island....all the way up the sttepest and narrowest road I've ever seen...and living in Western Pennsylvainia for four years, thats saying something. It was a gorgeous view as one might expect, which reminded me of a very real fact...I need to get a camera soon. Some things can only be seen to be understood...my Christmas gift to myself will be a waterproof and shock proof camera...One good thing about this island is that there are 2 prices....one for tourists...and one for locals... plus, since St. Maarten is so small...you see the same people everywhere...a bar, a  club, restaurant...then you walk into a store to buy....lets say a camera, and the guy that owns the shop bought you a shot the previous night...or you both went jet skiing the previous day....pretty cool...but pictures will be uploaded beginning Jan. 2011 hopefully.

P.S.
Hearing Christmas music when its 85 degrees is ....odd...but I like it.

Interesting creatures...

Human beings are very interesting creatures. Most animals are efficient. They have developed a certain equilibrium with nature....an understanding that you take what you need..and no more...(except viruses and parasites). Humans...take more than we need. We make difficult, the simplest actions of life.

I don't understand people...I can only understand myself and extrapolate what I find about myself , to others...which may not be a good way of truly understanding others. Being a Psych major, and still not understanding the human experience from a third person's perspective doesn't say much for my academic studies as a psych major...but alas, such is life.
Till next time..good morning to all.

Good Night

Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor, said it best:

"Keep thyself therefore, truly simple, good, sincere, grave, free from all ostentation, a lover of that which is just, religious, kind, tender-hearted, strong and vigorous to undergo anything that becomes thee."

Good Night.

Random thoughts in no particular order.

Getting to know the city a little bit..taking random busses to random places...the great thing about living on an island thats 37 miles around, is that getting "lost" is never a BIG problem. There have been times where Ive gotten off of a bus or taxi and said "Where in the world am I?"..then I remember...37 miles is the furthest I could be from my home...I'll be fine, wherever I am. Thats a good rule to remember in life in general..."I'll be fine wherever I am."

It's very interesting the solutions to problems one can come u with when the circumstances and situation arises. I've never seen myself as a problem solver, but then again, I've always been surrounded with able persons in a comfortable environment, so I never needed to solve any problems using my own imagination and creativity....until now...and I must say...not bad.

My friend sent me a quote via email yesterday:

"My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude..."
-Albert Einstein (I freggin love this guy)

I feel this way about myself quite often...but I would be lying to myself if I did not admit that I had friends and acquaintances for whom I cared and who cared about me...but in the larger scale of human social interaction..I feel no pull...no necessary attachment..no need to "be a part of"...I believe that in solitude, a man discovers who he is and in public, he discovers who he is Not...both are necessary in answering the question of Who Am I in this world...a question I have as of yet devised a plan for answering...


I went to this bar by the airport. The bar is cool...live band...gorgeous around sunset. Not coincidentally the name of the bar is Sunset Bar. This bar is located right by the shore (but to be fair...almost everything is right by the shore..I call it the island effect lol) I'm sitting there drinking a beer, and I see these two children about the ages of 6 or 7 playing a hand game , for a lack of a better word...like "patty cake". The sun is setting..and the live band is playing Bob Marley music. I'm sitting there in wonderment, thinking to myself this is a good day....everybody is out having some drinks with friends and what not...very good day. Granted I didn't quite know how I was going to get back home at the time (still getting to know the island)..but it was a very pleasant experience....everyone seemed chill..I had a good time..but there was only ONE thing missing.....

Damn

I just finished my last book yesterday and started a new one today. "Conversations with God". Im only on page 14 and I read this:


"And this is the second great illusion of man: that the outcome of life is in doubt.
It is this doubt about ultimate outcome that has created your greatest enemy, which is fear."

----------------------------------

"You came into this world with nothing to learn - you  have only to demonstrate what you already know. In the demonstration of it will you function it out, and create yourself anew, through your experience. Thus do you justify life, and give it purpose. Thus do you render it holy."
-Neale Donald Walsch

Damn.

Had a good day today. Didn't do anything. ..didn't even leave my apartment..but had some good conversations with people. 

\Yesterday i went on the bus for the first time. I had no real destination in mind, butif I am going to understand the surroundings in which I live, the only thing to do is to explore and not wait for an invitation to do so. I went to this one bar that's by the airport.
 If you google pictures of St. Maarten and airplanes, you will see some pictures come up that seem to be photoshoped..where the plane looks so close to the ground as it is landing, that you think it could not be real.....but it is. I'm sitting thereat this outdoor bar that I've neve seen or heard of before, and in the distance I see 2 bright lights in the sky. There was a storm on the horizon so the clouds were ominous, yet calm. I glance away, take a swig of my beer, look again...and the lights are much bigger now...Also I can see , however faintly...wings of an aircraft. Now, I'm no pilot but Im thinking to myself, this looks kinda low. The airport is right across the street, behind me...and when I say right across the street...I dont mean in the distance, I mean right across a one way street, seperated by a fence one could easily hop, kind of distance.. So by now im intrigued. I pick up my beer, walk directly where I believe the plane will be over head and I stand there and wait....it getting closer and closer...and LOWER with every second.
 I hear the rumble of the plane louder than I ever have before. I can see that the plane is leaning from side to side, as the pilot adjusts his position for the final decent. As this huge 747 reaches directly over head..I shit you ot...If I had climbed to the top of that fence with a golf club...I would have made contact with the belly of this plane...and he fence is only about 7 feet high...slightly above my head by less than a foot...so yea thats what people do..have a beer and watch panes come in and go. When these planes are ready for takeoff, the blast you feel from these jets can lift a person of the ground, Im sure...I got out of the way of that one. That was interesting. Perhaps tomorrow I will go on another bus and see some more...if it doesnt rain...perhaps even if it does. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Everything takes time.

Giving Back

In order to give back, one must first know what one has to offer.
We all have a surplus of something...some talent, some gift that would be put to best use if we gave it away. What is your talent? What is mine? Who knows...

Interesting thought...

You have something in common with every single person you will ever meet, no matter how vastly different your cultures or views are. You just have to find out what that (at least) one commonality is, and from there a bond can be made. This is similar to the six degrees of separation theory in most respects, I guess.
I just think that in order to value another person and the worth of their life means that on some level you see them as an extension of yourself. The most inhumane crimes happen when the perpretrator views the victims as sub human in some way...but if we can at least agree that there is something familiar in every person we meet...that is a start...a start towards what, I am not sure..but the direction can't be that bad...can it?
Who knows?


I find that the only time I am truly and fully at peace is when I am alone. I dont know if thats good or not.
I like being by myself...preferably in nature. Trees don't judge...the sky doesn't take sides, flowers don't care if you didn't call for days...you can be yourself...but when youre around other people..at least myself...there seems to be a barrier ...even if slightly...that exists. People, however, make life worth living. It's the relationships you have with other people that help define the strength and direction of your own life. I just wish it were easier sometimes to get beyond the superficial and unnecessary barriers of human interactions, and truly get to know ones neighbor..that would be cool.

"These roses under my window make no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are; they exist with God to-day. There is no time to them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect in every moment of its existence. Before a leaf-bud has burst, its whole life acts; in the full-blown flower there is no more; in the leafless root there is no less. Its nature is satisfied, and it satisfies nature, in all moments alike. But man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Chillin'

I read a quote today, from this book that I'm currently reading:

"The answer, the strength, the right action or the resource will be there when you need it, not before, not after." -Eckhart Tolle

This provided me with so much calmness and ease for the rest of the day..hopefully that feeling can last longer than the time it took me to read this line. I've already experienced this phenomenon, as I'm sure most people have. I'm still working on my philosophy, but somewhere in there, lies this message. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'd rather spend my life trying to work out this dilemma.

I've been so concerned about the direction of my life for that past  3 years, mainly because I feared the future and the surplus of options. People everywhere seemed so concerned with my future than I was. Always asking what was I going to do next, so much so that it became stressful, even thought I know that people only ask when they care...and for that I was and am grateful. However, I got to the point where I stopped caring about my "future" because I realized that there was no way for my to predict it. The "future" is an abstract idea, which, by definition cannot be predicted only postulated...that is what I believe, anyway. But once I gave up on the future, it began and is beginning to open. So, even now, I try not to think about my future, because it takes time away from me enjoying the now, the today, the moment. This morning's sunrise will never be seen again. This evenings rainshower will never be experienced again. I don't want to be one of those people that are too busy worrying about tomorrow when today is as ripe as it can be.

I say, "Don't let your food spoiltoday because you want something to eat tomorrow."

I DO think that one should always prepare for the possibility of change, because change is the only thing that's guaranteed...but what if I wake up one day, roll over, see my wife sleeping next to me..walk to the bathroom, trip over the toys in the hallway from my children, look in the vanity mirror and see that I'm 40 years old and Ive spent my best and youthful years....just waiting for tomorrow.

You can't get that back, so I say that there's no tomorrow..that doesn't mean that I believe people should go crazy or waste all their money..no no no. What I think is that  I should spend more time doing the things that I find interesting today, than spend time wishing for someth ing more interesting to come tomorrow. Money will come...it most definitely will go, but if you have enough to cover the bare necessities and a little saved up for a "rainy day"...what else do you need, really. But again, if you have family and kids to worry about...tuition, mortgage..I don't know how I would apply  my own philosophy. Perhaps this is just a way for me to "run" away from life's responsibilities, but Ive read a quote...and I'm paraphrasing...that said that One often finds his destiny on the very road he takes to run from it. I will take that approach because if nothing else...I'll get to where I was meant to BE, while creating a unique experience along the way...and if it doesnt work, at least in the end i can say that that was a Choice I had made and that alone will provide some solace in my unknown future.

Local news:
Got my first heavy rainfall yesterday and holy crap...when it rains, it definitely pours.
Work is going well. Learning a lot. Someone asked me earlier this week what it was that I did, and so I explain in an overly verbose way, to a native Dutch speaker, and they said in a broken english..so..you..sailor. I was about to refute the claim, but then I thought to myself, how would I..except by saying Im not in the navy....so cool, I guess im a sailor...cool.

Went to a couple of bars and clubs...very cool

I was watching a group of people (5 or 6) standing across from me, having a conversation and I realized that most people like to rest on something or lean on a wall whilst standing and conversing. Those who stand without the aid of some object, they look funny. And by that I mean. most people don't know what to do with their hands...their whole disposition is awkward. I find that interesting The ones who were leaning on a wall, bar or what have you, seem to look more comfortable. Just something that I noticed.

Sooo...

Had a bond fire on the beach today with about 30+ dutch students. The party was right outside my apartment. It was pretty cool...except for the fact that hanging around people who speak more than one language becomes a chore once they switch from english to their native language...but Im used to that.

I find it interesting that fire brings people together...very primordial. Instinctive behavior. Whenever there is a fire about to get started..people always become interested..they stand around, making a perfect circle around the flame..all feeling the same sense of contentment. The same is true for the ocean...I noticed that most people go to the ocean, wearing as little as humanly possible...approach the shore like shy children and ease their way into the waters (regardless of the temperature) as if they hope the waters will reveal some secret of the ages that can be soaked through their pores. Its amazing how man reacts to the natural environment around him....almost like a stranger or a long lost friend. There is usually that sense of peace and stillness that we have all felt before, I'm sure...those, to me are the moments that matter...and if you can do that with friends...then all the better.

Today was a good day...

Work all day...sailing...fixing boats...and after work...drinks at every bar on the way home which is plenty to get one tipsy...good day indeed.. I read a quote at one of the bars i went to today..it said Practice Kindness and Random Acts of Beauty...very nice indeed...but overall good day..Im still in training which means that I cannot recieve a portions of the tips from the customers on the boat yet...but I'll get there. This is a short blog..but what else is there to say when the only thing seperating home from work is a boardwalk at the beach lined with bars and restaurants...

I do need to work on my interpersonal skills though...everyone is so nice here....which is something that Im not used to..so to be that chill is something that Im not familiar with lol..weird but I love it none the less...One Love to all an hope you've had a good day.

Another day....

Ahhhh..my second post...lets see how long ths trend lasts. I got here in Sint Maarten on Saturday night I've been working every day since...today is apparantly Tuesday. It feels good not to know what day today is and not have that lack of awareness interfere with your daily routine in any way. Firstly, I must say that where ever you go in the world, the same problems are made manifest...Ive learned this already. In terms of work structure....there will always be that acute awareness that there is a slight tension between those in managerial positions and those who work beneath them. THere will always be that weird "Im the new guy feeling" that persists in any new work environment...so in those predictable aspects...location solves nothing...but I must say that the benefits that  come with living in Sint Maarten...the sun, sand, surf (which I have yet to try) make up for the human aspects and politics of human interactions. Mosquitoes are a bitch, tho...I'll tell you that much..but if you sleep with your window open, you won't illicit much sympathy from me.

All in all, after day three, I've realized that this is a great experience, but if one were to come to a foreign place, outside of the constructs of their cultural perspective, expecting life to just make sense for them....they will be disappointed. I crave something different, and I've found a lifestyle, that for the moment, is exactly what I need....but the hum
an aspect...those all too human interactions...both good and bad..are the same wherever you go.

But I'll say this much...to end on a positive note...being able to walk from your apartment..go to a bar, grab a beer, at sunset...then walk to the shore (which is still visible from your apartment) bury your feet in the sand as the crystal clear waves crash at your feet...on your lunch break or after work...is not so bad...its just the human interactions, that seem to be the same...just with different degrees of stress...this one...so far it sems...is less stressful (as most would assume) than the New York City atmosphere...but make no mistake...it is still there.. I actually think I'm working harder for more hours than I ever did back home....but for some unknown reason...I doin't mind it ........yet.
Till next time....ONE LOVE....and stay safe.


Also..I was at a bar today..after work...on on the cooler where they keep alot of bbber there are various stickers...similar to the magnets that people put on the back bumper of their cars back home and this one said...well I cant remember now but I will tell you next time ...(thats NOT what the sticker said...I just really can't remember right now lol)...but it was really nice....till nex time virtual world...
One LOVE (again).....one day I'll put pictures up..but I dont even know where the laundrymat is as of yet so I've got bigger concerns than pictures lol

Adios!

Let the work begin...

Well, this is my first blog in about 4 years and I'm not quite sure what the content of this blog will be. Whatever ideas and thoughts are swimming around in my head will do I guess, so bear with me...this may be  a bumpy ride. I landed in the beautiful island of St. Maarten this evening and the weather was beautiful. The sun had already set as I got off of the plane, so I still haven't seen any wondrous landscapes and what have you..but the temperature was favorable, until it rained for a good 15 minutes, then dissipating. Regular Caribbean weather.

Right now I'm sitting on the back patio, with my laptop in hand, staring into the darkness. I know the Caribbean sea is right there, but its so dark, I can only tell because of the reflections in the water, broken up by the waves. Yea, I'm THAT close to the water right now...I can only imagine (not for long) what this place looks like during the day.

I think I start work tomorrow but I'm not sure yet. I can already tell that everything is so laid back here (for better or worse)...as was expected in Caribbean islands. At my last job, I knew my entire working schedule for the following three weeks. I asked the guy I will be working with, "So do we start tomorrow?". The answer was "Don't know yet." Simple as that...I don't know whether I should go out drinking or get a good nights rest...sooo until I decide, I'm going to grab a corona lol.

Not much to say...Ive been here for a couple of hours...but I must say that the breeze coming ashore feels amazing right now...other than that its kinda slow right now...just chillin...enjoying the night...I wish you all are doing the same.