Random thoughts of the day

Women....when I want them, they are nowhere to be found. When I'm fully contented, they swarm me and I become annoyed. I guess there are worse problems  to have. I'm actually in a place right now where I do not feel the urge to WANT a woman....I love em....easily the greatest creation on this physical realm...but I no longer feel the need to aquire female companionship...there are other things on my mind right now. Women will always be there, but the things I feel I need to do have a short window of opportunity before acquisition becomes problematic. Now that my attention is in a different direction, I notice that women are paying more attention to me...in subtle ways of course, but I notice the attention none-the-less. The timing is off...I'm kind of busy at the moment. I have neither the funds nor the time to put into a courtship, for a lack of a better word...but I DO love the attention, trust me on that.
Some guys pursue every woman that passes their way....imagine the amount of energy that takes.....no thanks. My guy friends think I'm weird lol. I pick and choose, and I usually get through, but I can't play this game. To be honest, I'm not sure I could keep up with the other guys in terms of their zest, zeal and persistence in acquiring women. I see these guys put in soo much effort in courtship and for whatever reason, I'm unimpressed. I tried it and I became annoyed with the process. Come, sit, let us have a drink and a chat and space permitting, a dance. That's all I need. No fancy words, no promises, no grand gestures. Life isn't built on grand gestures. I'm looking for something more solid yet more mysterious. I don't know how else to explain it. All I know is that now I'm in a mind frame of getting things done, and I'm being distracted by these beautiful women; associates, friends, women that I see everyday during social hours. But as I said, when I was looking their way they were uninterested but now that my gaze is past the horizon, they wish to block my view. I honestly don't get it. Perhaps I'm not meant to. Either way, its a fun game to play and I'm grateful for the attention.
Went sailing today. The water was as clear as glass. The boat was gliding so smoothly that you'd forget there was water underneath. Slicing through that water like a razor. Not hearing anything but the sound of the wind, and an occasional spray mist of water coming over the deck. Yea, not  a bad day. People think that my life is the greatest thing because of where I live and what I do, but to be honest, after a while everything becomes normalized.....almost. I never tell people of the bad that I see. The dark side of this sun. I only like to tell stories that reassure people of the wonders of life. I write of them better than I speak of them, but that's my goal. I figure that most people hear enough negative news in their own lives that I need not add to the psychological weight of negative energy. Whether this is a good thing or not, who knows, but telling good stories and relaying positive images reinforces my positive well being as well, and so that's what I do. We so quickly forget how beautiful life is. Every breath we take should be one of thanks and praise. I love my life, even the grimey parts. I wasn't always able to say that honestly, but now that I can, I try to say it every day so long as this feeling lasts. We all have our off days and bad days, but taken as a whole, realizing that we only have about 80 years of this stuff...realizing that I'm already 26, nearing 27...realizing that one day life will throw something my way that may catch me off guard and send me flying...realizing that although I may not be in complete control of my life, some executive decision must surely pass by my desk before they are approved....knowing these things puts me in the drivers seat and that feeling of control, however slight it may be, is enough for me to be excited about the possibilities that lay before me. If you listen very carefully, hints are thrown your way via you interactions with other people. I see now that being solitary may not be the best way of living, because thinking practically, you learn and grown in proportion to the level of interaction you have with your environment, and I can tell that the rate of my growth, be it spiritual, mental , psychological is increasing at a slow but steady rate and this rate is increasing as time passes. I could not have doe this had a I been cloister and alone all the time. So on that level I thank my friends and other people that have entered my life and have shown me a way that was more efficient that the way I previously had known. The flip side, however, is that people annoy me. Their problems and issues and insecurities...I have my own, and to have to deal with yours as well is tiring. When I sail, these things disappear. These daily dealings with the "Other" as many existentialists would say, become minute when I'm on or in the water. Once we get back to land and everyone's ego's are reawakened, arrrghhhh...people annoy me severely. So I look for those moments; those clear moments of interaction that two people feel when there is nothing between them but genuine camaraderie...when the God spirit in me, greets the God spirit within you...thats what I seek in my interaction between persons. I can't make it happen...sometimes it does, and sometimes there seems to be a wall between myself and the person with whom Im speaking. And this wall prevents any sort of honest spiritual communication. I hate those moments...they make me cringe. As I become older, however, I realize that it's becoming easier for me to reach that level of communion with other persons. Thats good. THat's what I look for. Let us put away of prejudices and differences for one instance and learn from one another. If you wish to be  my enemy thereafter, then so be it, but let us at least agree that two men have met here...sans ignorance and prejudice. You need not take the bullets from your gun, but you should at least be able to take your finger off of the trigger....thats not asking for much....just understand that if you do decide to cross the line, that my gun is loaded and my aim has improved.
Till next Time
Forever Loving JAH
King II

Refreshed

OK lets see. I'm going to try this blogging thing again. It's a good way to unwind in a construuctive way. I went home for 3 weeks in September to visit the family. Had a great time. I was worried that I may not get back into St. Maarten because im travel and immigration laws but that seemed to have worked out...or is in the process of being worked out. So now I'm back for round two. Ian vs. the Island. I like it here, I really do. Could I live here forever? No. I'm realizing that I have a very curious spirit. It was a surprise to me too. The act of travelling to an unknown land excites me unlike anything I've ever done before, and I don't want to stop here. I'm not concerned with where I will go 'next', because I want to enjoy being here, NOW. So many ppl are so focused on their next step that they dont enjoy where they are at the moment. Planning has its time and its merits, but one must never forget to experience the fullness that is NOW. I've learned to do that on this island on a level on which I've never done before. It is very  true that places like these slow you down...whether you want them to or not...but sometimes it's better to just go with the flow. Since I've been here, Ive been forced to slow don my thinking, and my movements in a way that I thought impossible in my previous surroundings, which is funny since I've never been known to be a quick mover and shaker back home.
I see things differently now. I still don't act on my new perspective as much as I should, but I definitely see things in a larger scope. To put this in words will only sound like a quasi metaphysical explanation of a pseudo spiritual movement, so I will not explain any further. Just let it be known that I am happy, content (and starting to become too content) and loving life more fully that I have 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. I guess that was the point. Is that maturity? Who knows...All I can say is that I have no clue about where I'm going and why, but I'm enjoying the ride and I do not fear the destination. I've made really good friends along the way, whilst reminding myself to remain an independent voyager, NEEDING no one but enjoying the company of those around. This will be a year for positive changes. Things never go according to planned, but as long as you are flexible enough and strong enough, you can get through anything. I hope that is the case because I've put my money on that bet. Once you let go, you realize that there are far more opportunities lying in the midst that you thought were possible by just holding on you whatever way of life you've had; or way of thinking.
Life truly is Good. A cherished part of existence. I can only hope that I hacve the same view when tragedy may hit my life. It's easy to love life when things are good. Can I be as optimistic when the chips are down? Should I even be thinking like this? Who knows. I'll not dwell too long on things I can't control.
Some news updates:
I am one class away from being a rescue diver. Next class is on Sunday. I really enjoy scuba diving. I need to get an underwater camera so I can have some pictures of this beautiful underwater world. It's funny how certain things come so easily to you. It's almost as if these skills were given to you. Easy stuff. Some ppl just can't handly the underwater world of scuba diving...too foreign to them? perhaps...the idea of artificial air, weightlessness...who knows...for me...its a perfect fit. Its how I like to relax. 90 ft below sea level chasing a sea turtle...'floating' on my back staring at the sun through what seems like an eternity of blue water. How many time in your life can you do cartwheels without touching anything,,,and loop-de-loops ...its truly amazing.
Also, amazon is coming out with a color version of the kindle in late november...I want that. We all want things and I want that.
My time in this internet cafe is nearly done, so until next time
Forever Loving JAH
Ian